About 18 months ago, I was pregnant with our second child (a boy). For the first 3 months of my pregnancy, everything was just as it should be. I did my routine check-ups and tests, and up until that point all tests had come back normal. So much so, that we took off from LA on a long Sag Harbor vacation in August. However, upon doing my amneo tests, the lab discovered a duplication of chromosome 15, in my unborn baby boy. I will not bore you with the specifics of genetic analysis but suffice it to say, this was a very bad result.
From one day to the next, my happy pregnancy world had turned to Satan's cave. Suddenly, I was meeting with a battery of genetic experts to make predictions and asessments on the possible health implications on my baby. What I discovered at that point, is that science is so advanced in some areas, and so not advanced in others. Matt and I were facing, making the most crucial decision in our lives to date, based on a risk factor analysis that in my mind, resembled that of playing poker: One in ten, or 10% likelihood, were the odds we were given, that our child could be severely retarded, and a 90% chance that our child would be just fine. The binary nature of it, only added to the urgency of the situation.
How to make the decision on a human life with so little conclusive information? We had already done all the tests to narrow down these odds, and were still waiting on the results of one very new and experimental test, that might shed some more light on the outcome. Unfortunately, the clock was ticking as the legal right to terminate a child ends at 20 weeks of gestation. Google had become my best and worst friend, as the information about chromosome 15 babies was limited and scary. The days were rolling by and my deadline was nearing. We had already consulted every friend (even long lost friends who knew various experts in New York city), family members (and we didn't all agree on the course of action - the old school "stone age" philosophies of my dad especially swayed towards the belief that there are just too many tests anyways), people with similar experiences, doctors galore, and finally our inner voices.
I will never forget the feeling of my unborn boy kicking inside of me as I was contemplating terminating him. But, our last test result was still not available, and without it, our outlook was not good. So we decided to schedule the termination on the last possible day of my 20 week deadline, in hopes of having news prior to it. I spent my time, coming to terms with what my ultimate decision should be, praying each day for a sign, any sign, to tell me what to do. All the while my sweet boy was kicking inside of me with a gusto that seemed to cry out: "Hey I am here and alive inside of you".
I would have to say that the last few days prior to my termination date were some of the worst in my life. I also needed to consider Orchid, my daughter, who at that point, was wildly excited at the prospect of her new baby brother, and would come in our bed every morning, kissing my stomach and saying: "good morning baby Tarzan (her name of choice)". How would I explain all this to a 4 year old, once all was said and done? Two days prior to my scheduled termination, we decided to get out of the house and have an early dinner with Orchid, in the hopes of some easy distraction. As we were in the car, Matt's phone rang. It was our genetic counselor asking Matt if I was still pregnant? Yes, he said and her response was "Oh, thank god". He turned the speaker phone on so I could listen and what followed was a jumbled explanation about the final test results that we had been waiting for. I was so hysterical at this point, that I was crying and laughing at the same time. She offered to meet us at her office if we could get there right away, to explain in detail the great news. We were able to reach our dear friend Brett, who of course was willing to meet us at a street corner in Los Angeles, to take Orchid for ice-cream, while we would meet Dr. Falk and focus on the test results. Here's to having great friends, when you need them. Again, I will not bore you with the specifics of genetic analysis that she gave us, but the bottom line was, that the test had come back as positive as possible, and so her analysis was that this baby in all liklihood would be fine. She said to us then, that there would be two major moments, where we would be able to see if something was wrong, which would be at birth and at 1 year of age. She also said, that she cannot advise us on deciding to continue or to terminate the pregnancy as 50% of couples in our situation had indeed decided to terminate with good reason. But she felt our risk factor had dropped to about 3%.
When we left her office, I felt so clear. I had gotten the sign that I had prayed for, and no matter what the outcome would be, I was sure now, that I was meant to give birth to my boy and that this was one of life's risks, that I need to take.
Today is Sky's first birthday and it is with great joy that I can say, that my biggest risk in life provided me with the greatest reward. He had his one year check-up a few weeks ago and is a happy, strong, and most important, healthy one year old boy. I will say, that there are not many days, that I don't look at his beautiful face and think about the fact, that he was 2 days away from not being and how blessed I am to have been able to persevere through the greatest risk of my life. I hope this post helps anyone who might find themselves at such a crossroads. My goal is not to advocate any choice in this matter, but rather to highlight my journey through this challenging time. I leave you with some pictures of our beautiful boy Sky and a quote from Henry David Thoreau:
"We must walk consciously only part way to our goal and then leap in the dark to our success" Happy birthday Sky and here's to living the good life.
Sky Gregory Coffin
Sky & Orchid
Sky & Orchid
Sky & Mommy
Sky & Daddy
My little man and I
